Despite Pittsburgh being named America’s Most Livable City (again), I must make the point that it would be even MORE livable if we could get around. I know traffic times aren’t that bad when compared to other metropolises, but dang if it didn’t take me an hour to get less than 6 miles on Saturday afternoon.
Pennsylvania’s state flower is the construction cone, and Pittsburgh is the capital. Apologies to Harrisburg.
But this story isn’t actually about the traffic.
During the crawl through the West End Circle over the weekend, as I sat chillin’ under a railroad trestle waiting for a green light, SOMETHING FELL ON ME through the sunroof. A train rumbled above, so I assumed a tiny piece of concrete or rust had shaken itself loose.
No, I thought, not a bug.
The not-a-bug fell down my shirt, against my back.
Surely not a bug, I thought more fervently, cringeing now.
Down my back it tumbled, and — yes, you guessed it — past the waist of my pants, into my pants.
At this point I was CONCERNED. I sat there, still as a statue, waiting for movement from the unknown object, which would be my cue for a Freak Out. Nothing came.
I continued to wait. Still nothing. The light turned green and I finally made some progress on the road. My eyes were on the road, but my brain was in my pants. Still nothing.
I relaxed. It was gravel, then. Or rust, a random bit of the trestle. No problem. Whew.
And so what: even if it was a bug? Whatever. I’m a pretty tough chick, right? Right.
This illusion was shattered minutes later when whatever-it-was bit me on the ass, and I sailed across the Duquesne Bridge while punching myself on the top of left butt cheek. I must have killed it, but not before it got three good chomps in.
So in summary, while getting rid of the endless construction would make Pittsburgh even more livable, I propose getting rid of nefarious creatures with more than four legs would make it even more awesome. Dear Mayor Ravenblah…